Live Free, Die Hard: A Synopsis

Bruce Willis steps into a high-but-not-high-enough-budget film fathered by a deadbeat Apple commercial and reared by the Department of Homeland Security before being sent away to boring school in New Hampshire. Death and destruction follow in Detective McLane's footsteps. A Ryan Seacrest-lookalike cyberterrorist employs a trailer full of dorks who hack into the central systems of major national and global institutions, much to the dismay of the dorks manning the stadium-sized control rooms. South Asians are hard to spot among the actors playing the dorks, and this reminds the audience that they are watching fiction. Everything else in the movie is convincingly realistic. Macintosh overcomes his innate pussiness, but PC is nowhere to be found. It turns out that McLane's daughter was once spared a horrible death by a vivid premonition of a roller coaster accident, but you can't cheat death, you see; it will take you one way or another to the Final Destination 4.

What? Oh yes. I did not last until the end.