12.06.2007

Da West Side Nasty Riddims: Born Champions

In a television interview Ji-Soo Park responded thoughtfully to the question: Do you think that your fantasy football team, Da West Side Nasty Riddims, truly belongs in the postseason, given that its roster is headed by a lackluster Peyton Manning and is otherwise composed of inconsistent has-beens?

"If our squad resembles a bunch of pretenders, we offer this defense: we, the royal first person plural, have squeezed every drop out of that squad. We have barely outscored our opponents by a total of 4.3 points the entire season (1182.8 to 1178.5), and yet managed to pull off a 9-and-4 record. We fielded Kenton Keith for all of his breakout games, and had the balls to pick up and play Kenny Watson from free agency when no one had heard of him. We found Nick Folk off waivers and saw more points from him than some top running backs on other teams. In the wildcard round, we are starting the unknown Fred Jackson (Buf) at running back and Bryant Johnson (Ari) at wide receiver. We are finely tuned to the celestial harmony and confluence of injuries to regular starters, the politics of a season close to its end, and other beautiful circumstances that can lead to a miraculous performance. You will watch SC and marvel at this "unexpected" performance. You may bother to look him up in the league, and see that we have already invested, and have already enjoyed the returns. We will dissect your hopes and burn your dreams, because LaDanian Tomlinson is going to the bench in the third quarter near the postseason, and you will watch helplessly as I play Kyle Boller (playing for Manning, also benched for the playoffs) for four hundred yards, three passing and four rushing touchdowns against the Dolphins."

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